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I Love Touring Paris – the Fifteenth Arrondissement

Frank — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 23:55:41 +0000

Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine German, Italian, or other wine, accompanied by the right foods and the right people. He knows what dieting is, and is glad that for the time being he can eat and drink what he wants, in moderation. He teaches various and sundry classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. Visit his Italian travel, wine, and food website www.travelitalytravel.com and his Italian wine website www.theitalianwineconnection.com .
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Wrong Ideas About Love

Frank — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:14:06 +0000

They say that men love only beautiful women. This is absolutely wrong. Many psychological researches indicate that men pay more attention to moral virtues than to physical appearance.

To the question “How do you choose a wife” many men answered that they look for kind, gentle and loving woman. Of course, when we meet somebody, the first thing we see is the appearance. It is about how do you accept yourself. You can love yourself for some valuable qualities you have not for a nose, beautiful eyes or hair. If you respect yourself, your appearance is not that important anymore. Besides, we have to know how to wait and to be patient. In order to meet the right one for you it is necessary to communicate with different people. If a man has a beautiful soul, that will reflect on your face. We can often see top beautiful models but there is no warmth on them. We have to consider also that the men are also different. Many of them know that spiritual beauty is more valuable than surface beauty. Of course, there are some men who think that the surface beauty is everything. We usually call them shallow and airhead.

There are many women who are not very beautiful but with very rich and shocking intellectual interests. Besides, what does beauty mean? If we talk about the natural beauty, please, note that it cannot be florid and challenging. On the other hand, if we talk about the false beauty – like a lot of make up, a lot of plastic surgeries, provocative clothes etc. – these women just try to attract attention which is almost disgusting since they say out loud that they are nonentities. It is humiliating, actually. These types of women will never know what happens to them and even if they know, they will not know why it happens. So what are we talking about? If you like these type of women, be my guest and good luck! You are going to need it. But bear in mind that we all grow old and sooner or later the beauty will be gone but what remains the same is our love.

On the other hand, we also have to look around. You will be very surprise to know that there are many beautiful women who continue searching the right one for them as well as many not that beautiful women with very successful marriages. It is not necessary for a woman to be pretty. A woman can be also very interesting, original and attractive even when she has not that good looks. I believe that is very boring for a man to communicate with very pretty women if they do not have their own opinion or they own mystery. Many women with no pleasant appearance strike the imagination of men with their aura only. The real women as well as the real men we can know in spite of their cover. But not everybody can be real. This is an art.

Iavor Angelov is a writer who writes useful articles for Faux wood blinds site.
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Help! I Hate My In-laws (But Love My Spouse)

Frank — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:50:15 +0000

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “You’re not just marrying him, you’re marrying his family.” If you cringe and bite your nails to the quick when you hear it now, we really need to talk.
When you said “I do,” you were just referring to the blushing bride across from you, right? Her family was in the audience (sniffling or sobbing or wringing their hands), but you only agreed to marry that one individual, the one you chose. So why are you now bound to these other people, people you wouldn’t sit next to on the subway if you had your choice?
Marrying “into” a family is both true and not true. Certainly, when you join your life to someone else’s, the things that are important to him become important to you, too. And family is at the top of the list. (Just because you see his mother as a three-headed guard dog doesn’t mean he sees her that way.) However, it’s important to remember that you and your spouse, in getting married, have begun your own family. And for most people, that new family healthily takes precedent over the other.
When both families are living in harmony, no one gives much thought to a loose sort of co-existence. But when personalities clash, it might feel like your in-laws are there with you all the time—in the bedroom (ugh…), in the kitchen while you attempt your first soufflé, in the family room when you insist that your child observe her bedtime (“But Grandma says you make me go to bed too early!”).
Despite all the tension that can arise between the spouse and the in-laws, most people agree that even the most Attila the Hun in-laws aren’t reason enough to abandon your betrothed at the altar.
So what do we do?Take a step back. In a hurry.
As with almost any aspect of this Tilt-a-Whirl we call life, level-headed examination and a fresh perspective can do wonders.
If you examine your feelings from a safe distance (i.e., safely removed in time from the situation your in-laws last destroyed or, better yet, thousands of miles and a couple of continents removed from the in-laws themselves), you might see that it’s not really hate that you’re feeling, but rather strong annoyance, heavy dislike, or the I wouldn’t want to ask them out for drinks or outlet-shopping syndrome.
Okay, so maybe you do hate them. There might be several reasons you feel this way:
~You get the sense they hate you.
For example, they never miss an opportunity to remind you that their son/daughter foolishly passed up so many excellent marriage prospects before s/he regrettably settled on you.
~They’re the heavily meddling, interfering variety (think Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond), have already determined how many children you should have and where they’ll go to school. Hell, the kid isn’t even a twinkle in your eye yet and your mother-in-law already booked the church for the first Holy Communion. And you’re not even sure if you’ll raise your children Catholic.
~They’re not likeable (Need I say more?).
~They make you feel incompetent, inadequate, or just generally a mess.
~And maybe—just maybe—the problem is more yours than theirs (bear with me for a minute). They may be sweet, loving and appropriately-boundaried and the core issue is that you feel your spouse is overly connected to them, that he loves them or idealizes them too much. Jealousy can masquerade as righteous indignation.
So now that you have some ideas about why you have these strong feelings toward these people, what on earth do you do with them? (The feelings, not the people…)
Picture this: you’ve spent another grueling ten-hour day at work and yet you’re still gracious enough to agree to fixing dinner for the in-laws. You set the plate before your mother-in-law, she sniffs, wrinkles her nose, and pushes the dish away, announcing, “I can’t possibly eat pasta sauce from a jar.” Or you overhear your father-in-law putting the kids to bed, telling them stories about when your husband was a lad. He ends the stories with, “And you two take after your daddy, don’t you know. Thank goodness for that!”
Even in times like those, especially in times like those, you need to hold onto a very true thing: these same maddening people did at least one thing right. Whether you attribute it to the accident of nature or the deliberateness of nurture, they created and raised the person you adore and respect and have chosen to hitch your star to.
And then count to ten, take deep breath, and remind yourself of this again.
Another crucial thing to remember: you can’t change someone else’s behavior. You can’t. No matter how gallantly you try, no matter how much those people need changing. The only behavior you are in complete control of is your own. You can only change how you react to people. And many times your new behavior shifts the dynamic enough so that it either forces or coaxes people to respond differently, in a way that squeezes out the behavior that originally made you pull your hair out.
Despite how adorable Doris Richards is in Everybody Loves Raymond, and how appealing it may be to have someone with the stamina of a team of oxen cleaning your house or cooking your meals over your insistence that she stop, you need to set healthy limits and acceptable boundaries around your marriage. It’s easier to do this early in the marriage, before patterns have become entrenched. The irony is that sometimes you don’t fully realize a situation needs an overhaul until you’ve lived with it for a while and until it feels unbearable. The first step is asking your spouse for help in approaching your in-laws. After all, they’re his/her parents and s/he has a history with them, one that should make communication easier and more fluid. However, your mate might think this is all your problem. Time and time again, you might hear, “I don’t know what you’re talking about—my parents are super!” Without accusation or name-calling (try hard with this one), communicate your feelings about your in-laws to your spouse. Use specific examples rather than general feelings, and try to get your mate to walk—even a few baby steps—in your shoes.Be sensitive to your spouse’s dilemma. After all, s/he is in the middle and in the unenviable position between a rock and a hard place and getting squeezed: s/he loves the parents, loves the spouse, and has to somehow mediate these warring factions. A thankless job.
If speaking to your spouse fails, you need to advocate for yourself with your in-laws. HOW? Very diplomatically. Arrange a time for a chat. And call it that—“chat” is so much nicer than “I’ve had it up to here with you and I’m laying down the law.”
Some advice to remember during that talk: ~Don’t offend. Don’t attack, don’t provoke.
And, while you’re there, avoid politics, religion, and how much happier your wife seems now that she’s left her childhood home.~Don’t ever, ever, ever compare your mate’s parents to your own.
Trust me: no good can come of this….NONE. ~Keep it short, keep it simple.
This should feel like a sane conversation between adults, not a wrestling match where the ref is MIA. ~Use I statements.
“I feel hurt when you reject the meals I prepare…and when you go into the kitchen and make your own meal with the groceries you sneak in.”~Use we statements.
You and your spouse are a team now, so talk like a team.
“We know you love the children, but we decided 7:30 is the right bedtime for the kids their age. And also…um…our pediatrician said espresso really isn’t the best drink for them.”~Accentuate the positive.
Oh, c’mon…you can find something positive if you dredge the lake. Perhaps your spouse speaks fondly of his childhood. Pass that on to your in-laws. Or maybe they’re an important part of your children’s lives. “The children adore you. They tell everyone about their Gran and Grampie.” ~As all good negotiators do, give something so you can get something.
“We love sharing meals with you, but, since I’m getting the sense you don’t enjoy my cooking, why don’t we pick a restaurant next time?”
Try to voluntarily include your in-laws in situations that feel palatable. For instance, you’re organizing photo albums, and you’d love to put baby pictures of your spouse with your children’s. There isn’t a better expert on your mate’s childhood than the people who raised him. Call on them for that, and their gratitude at being needed may shift things in a positive way.
Through it all, try to remember that, just as you feel a connection to your spouse, they have a connection to that same person. They may feel more vulnerable than you do in the face of your mate’s new life, a life where you are now central and they are marginalized. Much of the behavior that annoys you may be driven by your in-laws’ attempts to keep a firm foothold in their child’s life, even when that child is thirty-eight years old. You should never allow yourself to be trampled upon, but when you understand that love might be the reason for some of their actions, you might see them in a softer light. And someday—if they accept you as an addition to the family instead of someone competing for their child’s attention—they might be crazy about you, too.

Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.
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I Didnât Love Him Enough

Frank — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:11:58 +0000

Dear Jane,

My ex-husband and I divorced after sixteen years of marriage. It wasnât an awful marriage but I never really loved him. He knew this although we never really talked about it. When he started to drink a few years after our daughter was born, I really felt even more distant from him. We divorced six years ago without much discussion, like distant strangers.

Now Iâve met a wonderful man whom I love deeply. It seems that my ex suddenly canât stand that Iâm happy. (He heard about it from our daughter; I wouldnât have rubbed his nose in it.) He started calling me telling me every few days, haranguing me that itâs my fault that he drank, that I ruined his self-esteem, and that he wasted the best years of his life on me. I want to know what I should feel guilty about. What should I apologize for?

While we bring all our hopes and dreams into marriage, we also bring all our limiting beliefs, self-judgments, and fears, most of which surface only after the routine of daily life sets in. When your ex-husband agreed to marry you knowing you didnât really love him, he unconsciously used you to reinforce a prior belief that he wasnât lovable. (Perhaps you had the same unconscious limiting belief or why would you have chosen him?) This baggage of feeling unworthy of love is what drove him to drink, not you. All you provided was a mirror of a belief he already held. Thatâs what people do: they mirror back what we already believe about ourselves.

Now, once again, heâs using your current happiness to mirror his belief that heâs unworthy. Itâs not your intention to hurt him. Heâs hurting himself and heâs the only one who can stop hurting himself by healing his thoughts about his worthiness instead of wasting any more time resenting you. The most harmful thing you could do is to reinforce his unworthiness belief by taking on inappropriate guilt. If you say, âYouâre right to resent me. Itâs all my fault that youâre miserable and alcoholic,â you are encouraging him to stay blind to what your relationship mirrored within him. If you donât want to reinforce the belief that he is a âbroken cookieâ who is unlovable and unworthy, donât apologize for his unconscious beliefs. Clearly, that wonât help him.

As I write about in Enough Is Enough!, underneath every resentment we hold is an underlying personal regret. Deep down, doesnât your ex probably really regret not loving himself enough to have created a loving relationship with a partner or even with himself?

So what can you do? Tell him that you hope that he heals the thought that heâs unworthy so that he can have the love he deserves. Tell him that you hope he gets underneath his resentment to his real regret: that he let himself waste time feeling unloved and drowning his feelings in alcohol. Tell him that you are willing to forgive yourself for wasting time similarly.

What you can apologize for is participating in reinforcing his limiting beliefs in any way that you did while you were married. If you were unloving in word or deed, if you ignored him, if you were less than compassionate, apologize for all of that now. Forgive yourself for what your part was given whatever baggage you brought to the relationship. Then encourage him to forgive himself. After that, see him as a whole, deserving, empowered, and healed being. This is the most loving and compassionate thing you can do for both of you.

Announcements

Recovery from the Inside Out

Jane has been invited to New Orleans to give a workshop on November 18, 2007 for folks whose lives have been forever changed by Katrina. During my stay, I will keep a video diary, which I will upload to my Web site, StopEnduring.com. If you live in New Orleans, you are invited to attend this free workshop. My gratitude to my dear friend, Patte McDowell, for donating her air miles.

Also, I will be donating 120 copies of my book, The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Eighth Edition, to New Orleans schools. If you know of a school needing these invaluable books, contact me at Jane@janestraus.com.

Jane on TV January 10, 2008

Jane will be interviewed on NBC 11âs The Bay Area Today on January 10. She will be talking about New Yearâs resolutions. Expect a fresh take on the subject. More details to follow.

NEW! Dear Jane Podcasts

Listen to and download Dear Jane Podcasts at StopEnduring.com. Also available for free downloading from iTunes.

Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, StopEnduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.
She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, Grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.
Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.
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Free Nose Picker » Love

I Love Touring Paris – the Fifteenth Arrondissement

Wrong Ideas About Love

Help! I Hate My In-laws (But Love My Spouse)

I Didnât Love Him Enough

I Didnât Love Him Enough